Episode 4: Competition Kills Relationships

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss how competition negatively impact relationships. Billy is very competitive, Ashley is not. That has led to conflict in the past when playing games against each other. We have come to realize that competition and scorekeeping really kill relationships because instead of I Do, We Do it becomes I Did, He or She Didn’t. Instead of for better or worse it is “I’m better, you’re worse.”

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WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE:

  • We discussed that the easiest way we see competition in our relationship is in different games that we play

  • We mentioned how Ashley is a big believer in that “you play games to have fun” whereas Billy believes that you play games for the one and only reason, which is to win

  • We discussed that “the number one killer in a team/relationship is competition”

    • You need to oppose the idea/situation where it could involve teammate vs. teammate, husband vs. wife, or partner vs. partner, because you want to go into the mindset that the team needs to win, not one person over the other

    • Eventually someone loses in  a competition (which could increase tension within the relationship)

  • We discussed how keeping score is a killer as well

    • Ashley discussed how growing up, her and her sister had to evenly split up the house chores/duties. It wasn’t fair if Ashley cooked dinner and then had to wash the dishes the same night. It wasn’t fair if Ashley did two chores and her sister did zero.

    • Billy talked about how he learned early on from his Dad about the danger of keeping score in relationships, even though he loves keeping score in all other competitions.

  • We discussed how keeping score can also happen with accomplishments, but really in a partnership there are not individual accomplishments. It all is about us.

    • “One person’s win, success, and/or accomplishment is the other’s as well in a relationship.”

    • One employee’s success in a business indicates that the business is successful too

  • “You shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone”

  • We discussed how compromise is key

  • “If compromise is difficult for you in a relationship regardless, maybe there’s a little too much competition there.”